Ill Regret
by wild-angelz1
Summary: A sadden Shu takes drastic measures to finally rest and end. One shot, rated T for mild language
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation or any of the lyrics used in this fic.

Was I just your surrogate?  
Was I just your revenge?  
was I just your surrogate  
was I just one more regret

Well I have no regrets yet  
and I  
have no regrets

Shuichi's POV

Blood, so, so pretty. Especially when it sparkles down my wrist onto the white pristine floor. They look like droplets of rubies in liquid form. The pain brings relief to the heavy emotions inside of me. I didn't cut deep, no, I'm too smart for that. I cut only enough so that the blood would flow and sting.

You'll wish we never took this ride...  
You make me do this, you make me do this, you make me  
wish I was afraid of suicide,  
Long ago before I died  
We should never be this high  
I wish I was afraid of suicide

Everyone thinks I'm so dumb. Always the idiot that is too loud and where's his heart on a sleeve. They always assume I'm cheerful and happy going. Even Hiro thinks so. Well I guess this would be a nice surprise to them if they found out about this. Yes it would be lovely to see their faces. I'd probably laugh if I could. Heehe that would be a better sigh to see Yuki's face. Ahh Yuki, Yuki, Yuki…

Once was I, made of glass,  
Long ago, before I cracked.  
Once was I, made of glass,  
Long ago  
before I cracked  
YOU MADE ME DO THIS

Yuki. Yuki was the reason why I do this. After all he's always telling me that I couldn't do anything. He was the one who said that I couldn't even do suicide right. I'll prove him wrong there. I'm tired of everything. The fights, the cheating, the drinking. Everyday it's the same routine. Never changing. We fight, he kicks me out, and then I go crawling back to him, rough make-up sex and starts over again in the morning. Yuki, you never have loved me have you?

I just can't forget  
The blood,  
The stitches,  
The bite marks,  
The kisses,  
The glass memories reflecting back  
The suffocating black,  
Ill milk of regret  
Just smile and pretend  
it never mattered anyway  
smile and pretend  
we never mattered anyway

You'll wish we never took this..

The one you loved is buried six-feet under in New York. You would never love me. I'm just your little fuck toy, some object that you can always kick around and throw out. You always do this to me. And yet. And yet I can't stop LOVING YOU!! I don't know why. How could I fall for someone that is cruel and a bastard. No matter where I am or whom I with, it's YOU I think about. I've tried cheating on you, it didn't work. Tried running away, that didn't work either. Now I'm going to do this so I can be rid of you.

I'm starving,  
I'm starving,  
I'm starving for affection  
Your heart is made of ash  
you were just a phase to me,  
A sacrificial lamb  
Rejection, Revenge  
Deception, Damaged  
I might be going down in flames,

But you will burn with me  
You'll wish we never took this ride

I love you. I hate you. But I can't live without you. My world is around you. But I'm so tired of everything. I can't go on anymore. I've tried for 3 years. 3 fucking years I've tried, but always failed. Touma, Mika, and everyone was right. Why couldn't I fall for someone gentler and would actually love me.

I just can't forget  
The blood,  
The stitches,  
The bite marks,  
The kisses,  
The glass memories reflecting back  
a suffocating black,  
Ill milk of regret  
just smile and pretend  
we never mattered anyway

No one will know

Doesn't matter. As much as I love you, I can't live like this. Even if I was able to break up with you, I wouldn't be able to deal with everyone and everything. I can never forget anything. Your looks, rare smile, anger, habits, caresses, kisses. They all burn in my, marking my heart. That's why I have to do this. I'll finally be able to rest.

This is the perfect place  
To hide the crime and burn the remains...  
I was so naive  
I refused to feed  
Waiting for you to nourish me  
I was so naive  
I refused to feed  
Waiting for you.

LIKE A LOVESICK ANOREXIC

I can't live like this anymore.

I just can't forget  
The love you twisted  
The lies you enlisted  
to kill us quietly & beat me down  
I hope you drown in this shit milk of regret  
I WON'T FUCKING FORGET

Because I know I'll never be able to leave if I stay. That's why I have to end this cycle, this misery train we've been on. My vision is getting foggy, I cut a little too deep on that last rant. The floor is a ruby pool. So beautiful. I can't stand anymore. I have to sit down. Ugh. My head is pounding, so is my arms, they sting worst than before. Burning, the wounds are burning.

I'll help you drown while you're world is burning down  
I'll help you drown while you're world is burning down

I can't help but smile, even with my breath slowing, my heart stopping. All I can think of is you. I can't help but sigh, this is the end. I hate you. I love you Eiri. My eyes feel heavy. It's strange, I hear a pounding, but it's not my head. It's the door I think. I can't look my eyes are closing. I'm so tired, now I'll be able to sleep. Goodbye everyone, I'm sorry but it's the only way. Goodbye Eiri, goodbye my love.

The whole world is burning  
Your whole world is burning  
Your whole world is burning  
Your whole world is burning down

Here's the ending everyone. Sorry everyone for such a sad one, I've had a rough last two days, my aunt just shot and killed herself cause her husband left her. So this is dedicated to her. I'm sorry everyone for Shu dieing. And yes I'm considering a sequel to this in Yuki's view. Ohh the reason why it's worded a little weird is because it is Shuichi's thoughts so they're going to be a little different than normal writing. I was also inspired by Otep's song Ill Milk of Regret, find on youtube. It's an awesome song; those lyrics in the fic are from the song. Well adios till next time.

~wild-angelz1


	2. Update and Sorry

I know I have a big apology to everyone for not updating in a really, really long time. As you guys knew last time. Me and my ex broke up and I started dating my best friend, though funny thing is that he was my ex before my ex (insert hesitant laugh)…so yeah. I did not move out at that time I said because the whole family and I started fighting. I graduated with honors and a superintendent's diploma I was also ranked 30 in my graduating class of roughly near 200. Over the summer my grandparents disowned me because the only way they would help with college was if I moved up to where they lived and dropped every aspect of my life and I said no. Few months later I started college which was a fun and weird experience. I'm also a volunteer at my old high school to help out with the art club which I was vp of before I graduated. My mom and little sister moved up to grandparents and my dad started seeing another woman. Me and my boyfriend celebrated our one year in November. My dad was sent to the hospital in Dec. because he was suffering from seizures which turned out to be blood clots in his brain and there be a chance of bone cancer but the doctors cannot do anything until the clots go away. During this time my mom and sister came back. My dad was released on Christmas Eve. January I celebrated my birthday and now in February my 17 yr. old cousin had her first baby, which is a boy. My parents bought their own house and moved out of my grandma's and now I'm almost done moving in with my boyfriend. So that has been my long update which I fell that all the ones that reviewed my stories and left encouraging comments deserved to know. And I kinds of forgot my password for here. Also to note, those that want to, I have a deviantart and if someone to check it out then just message me.


	3. Sequel

I just made a sequel which is called Ill Regret 2, so look for and let me know what you all think.


End file.
